Believe

I have recently had a very difficult time believing in myself. I graduated from college in December of 2008 and have not been able to find a job. I revieved my education in... EDUCATION!!! For some reason though I have not been able to find a teaching positon. For two years I have been looking and wondering what I am doing wrong and why no one will give me a chance to show what I can do and help the children that will be our future!!! I have prayed and prayed about showing me the way and asking for guidence and asking for a sign to show me that there is nothing wrong with me and it really is just the tough economic times that are affecting everyone. The only problem is that when I graudated there were about 10 of us that had become really close thru out the three years that we spent together. For the most part you see the same people in most of your classes thru out the journey from Sophomore year til Senior year when you graduate. Well 9 out of the 10 got teaching jobs for the following school year. I was the only one that didn't get a teaching job. I was on the verge of depression. Around the same time I was also going through a lot of personal issues in my relationship with my now Husband.

On November 21, 2009 I got married and on March 5, 2010 I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy Jackson!!! He was a very unexpected suprise when I found out I was pregnant. But it does come at a time when I believe in Miracles!!! In June of 2009 Jack's Aunt passed away from a tramatic brain injury that she got from wrecking a motorcycle that she was riding with her husband. He ended up loosing one of his legs and his wife. It was very hard for him to believe what had just happened. I what was even worse was that both of his kids were on motorcycles behind them when the wreck happened and they had to see it all happen and not be able to do anything about it. Well around the time of the funeral everyone was joking around that I could be pregnant, not exactly sure how it got pinned on me that I was the pregnant one out of our group but somehow it was pinned on me. Although looking back now almost two years ago I was really tired all the time but I was just chalking it up to the fact that I wasn't sleeping and was spending most of my time up at a hospital. Well not too long after the funeral I did find out I was pregnant... Now I know that I had to get pregnant before Crystal passed away but still the timing was PERFECT!!! I have always believed that when one life passes another is created. God had choosen me!!! Me of all people to hold this blessed child and bring him into this world!!! Well Jack's Uncle was still in the hospital when all of this happened. He was on the verge of going into a depression when we found out I was pregnant. He just knew that it was Crystal coming back to this world!!! Me being pregnant gave him a reason to push on and fight to stay alive!!! He was at the hospital when I gave birth to Jackson and came into the room very shortly after to meet his wife in our son!!! He was very scared to hold him at first and it took a few months before he would hold Jackson. But he loved him with all of his heart!!!

A year later Jackson is in LOVE with Bo!!! When he comes into the room he reaches for him and wants to be held and hugged by Bo!! I truly believe that Crystal is Jackson reborn!!!! It makes me cry just thinking of how far my family has come since 2009!!!

Well I finally found a job in November of 2010; not a teaching job but a job at an elementary school; I get to work with children and I have made a great impression on the Principal here at the school. But I am still hoping that I can get a teaching positon for next school year.

This morning I was reading my Daily Devotionals from the great Joel Osteen. I love my Pastor but for some reason when ever I am having an issue in my life or something is just really getting under my skin I can turn on Joel on Sunday and he is preaching about whatever I am having an issue with in my life. It is the weirdest thing. My mom is the same way too!!! If we are just flipping thru the channels and happen to come across Joel on T.V. he is always talking to US about our problems!!! We always think I was made to hear this and he really does help. Well a few months ago I bought his Daily Devotions book and today's message was again just for me and my struggle with finding a job and doubting myself.

   ~ Change What You Expect~
                  Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to you        and             wait expectantly.
                        PSALM 5:3

             In this lesson Joel talked about not always getting what we desreve in life but we do get what we expect out of life. We also get what we believe in, and unfortunatly it also works in the negative affect as well. That if we expect defeat and failure we will get what we expect. Now if you switch your thinking to a more positive positon you will get a positive outcome. The key is to expect good things from GOD!!!! "When you encounter tough times, ask God for wisdom, and change what you expect. Even if the bottom falls out of your life, you attitude should be: God, I know that You are going to use this for my good. I believe that You're going to bring me out stronger than ever before."

So this is exactly what I am going to do!! I am going to think more positive thoughts and ask God for wisdom and keep thinking that I WILL GET A TEACHING JOB!!! For whatever reason I was ment to not get a job when I graduated; I was meant to work at the school I do now; and I will get a teaching position when the time is right and the situation is correct for me and my family!!!

Hope you have a great Friday; It is what you make it; so make it good with GOD!!!!!